You know what makes a great Father's Day present??
Topless housekeeper.
See? You see what just happened here? You were focused on the word "topless". Try and focus on the word "housekeeper", like I do. That suddenly changes everything, huh?
I found a "housekeeper" on craigslist. I hired her to do light housekeeping. I was actually giddy at the thought of someone coming in and vacuuming, loading the dishwasher, and dusting. I don't care if she was half naked, or wearing a big pink bunny suit. (I think I have to pay extra for the bunny suit, BTW) Mr. Hummingbird thought it was weird.
Well, he thought it was weird until he was in front of the TV watching golf, drinking a beer, while a topless girl was vacuuming his living room. I was nice enough (and the housekeeper was nice enough) to let my brother in law sit on the couch next to him during the two hours she was at my house. BIL was not allowed to say a word, or the bouncer (she brought a bouncer) would throw him out. (I was praying that he would sneeze or something and get thrown out! And that I would have a camera ready for that.)
At that point, I think it suddenly got "awesome".
I was sitting in the back yard, on the daybed, with a margarita in one hand and a trashy novel in the other. It was the best money I've spent in a long time.
Think of me next year.
And.......you're welcome.
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Hello you. I have been a follower of your 'OTHER' blog for quite some time. You, my dear, are a writer.
ReplyDeleteI don't find an email address for you anywhere, or I would send this message privately. But, I, too, have a blog, that is my own journey. You left a comment or two back in the day . . .
I have some projects I need to focus on, and a vacation I need to spend with my family coming up. I have been asked to leave my laptop AND my Blackberry at home. The nerve.
So I am turning to the writers that have affected me. And I am asking them to write me a post - a guest post to put on my blog - so that my loyal and amaze-tastic readers will be satiated whilst I am on the beach with my family.
I cannot tell you how honored I would be if you would tell my readers a story. Would you? Would you please?
My email address is fatassblogger@gmail.com. (and in case that doesn't ring any bells, my blog is didijusteatthatoutloud.blogspot.com).
I am looking for posts for the week of aug 9.
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ReplyDeleteHoly smokes. How did I miss this?
ReplyDeleteI'm emailing your skinny ass.